That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
