Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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