He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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