evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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