Sponge bath it is.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
