I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
