normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
