We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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