Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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