And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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