He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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