I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
