I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Randomize
