i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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