IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
