Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize