Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.