We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16