fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...