do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"