Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.