I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??