Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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