I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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