so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
