we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was CRYING into my vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific