dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?