Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me