There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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