I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize