she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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