mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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