He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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