cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
