You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
