What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize