after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
