Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
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You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.