Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever