Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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