If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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