my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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