I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
