If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
