i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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