Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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