There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
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I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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