so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
