she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
