my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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