Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
