I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place