Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake