I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy