We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Be still, my beating vagina.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?