Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time