he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
