He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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