There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
