Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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