I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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