i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
